Livin' the Dream

So... It has been a couple of week now of my new found freedom and let me tell you, it is pretty spectacular! I won't lie, it is by no means all fun and games but compared to what I was doing on a daily basis at work, this is a cake walk!

I realize I am probably just experiencing beginners luck with this whole stay at home mom thing.  Who knows, I may be royally screwing up my kid without even realizing it but for now, I am having the best time!

Though I adore my sweet boy and am having a blast spending so much time with him I must tell you that one of the best perks of this gig I can say with four simple letters; Y-M-C-A.  I have had a membership for YEARS but never realized the true value because I never had time to actually go! I can go there as much as I want and they will watch my little one for as long as I want to work out... I don't even have to work out! I actually thought about getting dressed in my workout gear, dropping him off at child care, and going to read a book with a latte in the lobby! Is that terrible? Well, don't worry because I couldn't go through with it but one of these days it is going to happen.  No matter how easy being a stay at home mom looks everyone needs peace and quite for a few minutes here and there and you will not get it in the presence of a one year old.

I have managed to keep myself busy so far but it has given me a good chunk of time to think. This is both a good and a bad thing I am afraid.  I am only in my 20s for a few more months and in some ways I feel like I am starting over.  I went to school, had a full time job that very well could have been a career; but here I am, unemployed and not sure what I want to do for the rest of my life.  I love that I have the opportunity to stay at home with my boy but he is not going to need me at home forever.  What will I do when he is in school full time?  I don't want to wake up in 10 years and realize that my baby doesn't need me anymore and I have nothing to do with myself.  I need more.  

Being a social worker is very gratifying in some ways but after awhile it rubs you raw until all of your nerves are exposed.  I need to take advantage of this incredible opportunity that I have to not only raise my son but to do a little soul searching for myself and figure out what the dickens I am supposed to do! (Yes, I said "dickens." I am from the Midwest, okay?!)

P.S. I am exploring my love of food these days so stay tuned for some wicked recipes ;)

SAHM Day #1

I have just completed my first day as a SAHM (stay at home mom).  I must admit that it feels every bit as spectacular as I had hoped! I was hanging out in the kitchen with the little one this morning and noticed that there were workers taking down some trees in the neighbors yard and thought, "That's weird that they are working on a Saturday," and then I realized... It's Wednesday AND I am not at a job I hate!

To top it off my greatest friend, Meredith, is in town from Michigan.  I have known this women for over half of my life.  She is a sister to me and it feels wonderful to have her here while I am beginning this new and exciting journey.  She is currently pregnant with her second child.  Her first child, who is now almost 7 (where does the time go!), is my God child.  I was present at her birth at Meredith's request as her partner at the time was a complete "ass hat" as Meredith would say.  To give you and idea of him I will tell you that while she was resting between contractions he told her that she really needed to "stay in the game." I kid you not.  Meredith has asked me to be at her second birth as well and I am so honored to be there.  Seeing her give birth the first time was one of the most moving, powerful, indescribable events of my life.  Being the first person to see a life come into this world... there are simply no words to explain how wonderful.  I highly recommend that everyone see as many live births as possible. It's easy, just go to the hospital with a white lab coat and pretend you are a doctor! No one questions people in white lab coats.  

Yesterday was weird.  It was my last day at my job and I had things to do but it felt like it didn't matter because in that type of job the work is never finished.  I really don't think I realized how much the job was effecting me emotionally and even physically because I feel 100 lb lighter today.  It is going to take me awhile to adjust because I keep feeling like my boss is going to call me and tell me that I have to come back to finish something I forgot to do. This is silly because if that happened in real life I wouldn't do it! 

The work load at my job was truly ridiculous. The most frustrating part is that upper management either does not understand this or doesn't really care.  They always ask us how we can improve morale and blah blah blah but nothing ever changes.  I busted my hind end for 4 years and when it came down to it one of my bosses told me that it was "non-negotiable" that I do all of the client reviews for the month even though my last day was April 7th.  I didn't even get a, "thanks for all your hard work, Angie." This said, there is not a doubt in my mind that I made the right decision. There isn't enough money in the world that could keep me at a thankless job where I am not appreciated. The only reason why I stayed as long as I did was because my direct supervisor is the nicest person that you could meet and I knew that I could count on, at least, her. 

Not to imply that people actually read this, but if you do, you will read more about my previous job. It has been a significant era in my  life.  I have had good times, bad times, and traumatic times and I need to process what happened.  I need to get the words out into the universe so I can let go and move on.  To those of you who do take the time to read my rants, I thank you for letting me spill my guts! But don't worry, I will throw some lighter things in the mix too... They say I can be pretty funny.